grief & loss
Grief is a powerful sadness that is the natural human reaction to loss. Each of us has experienced some level of grief in our lives whether it is the loss of a pet, the loss of a loved family member or friend, or even the loss of the freedom and autonomy we once had when we were healthy prior to injury.
Grief may look different for everyone depending on their loss and their personal circumstances. Grief may be lessened by a strong social support network, or complicated by multiple losses or traumatic loss. Generally though, the experience of grief follows a somewhat similar pattern described by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross: as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It’s normally to slip back and forth between different stages, like many things if life, the grieving process is not linear.
dENIAL
The first stage, denial, can look like avoiding certain situations like seeing friends or people who will ask you about your loss, procrastinating on important tasks like organizing the affairs of a deceased, keeping busy all the time while at home doing chores or “busy work”. Denial often feels like nothing, you might describe yourself as “fine” when really you are numbing.
ANGER
The second stage, anger, can look like fighting with those trying to help you, stonewalling friends who are trying to empathize, being sarcastic and pessimistic to those offering support. Anger can feel like resentment, toward doctors, family members, or even the person who has passed away. It can feel like embarrassment over an injury or self-blame for situations out of your control.
BARGAINING
The third stage, bargaining, can look like perfectionism in an attempt to avoid other “bad things” from happening. It can look like judgment toward yourself, or other people, wishing that you or they had done something differently. Bargaining feels a lot like helplessness and is an attempt to gain control , it often comes with magical thinking where you might believe that if you perform certain tasks or make a deal with a higher power the situation may improve. You may promise to attend church every week this year if only your injury would heal.
DEPRESSION
The fourth stage, depression, can look like difficulties with sleeping or eating (too much or too little), crying, and reduced energy. Depression feels like hopelessness and despair. You might start to miss work, or social events you would normally attend.
aCCEPTANCE
The last stage, acceptance, can looking like engaging with your reality mindfully, exactly as it is, by accommodating your activities to your injury, or thoughtfully incorporating memories of a lost loved one into your routine. During the acceptance stage it can look like vulnerability and openness to accepting empathy and support. Acceptance can feel like self-compassion and pride.
If you are feeling overwhelmed by your grief or loss, you do not have to move through the process alone. Take the time to seek out a reputable support group, tips on finding appropriate groups can be found here. You may also benefit from an individual counselling session. If you’re interesting in counselling for grief, send us a message and we would be happy to book an appointment.